Smokey Mountain Breakdown

So, so sorry...I don't have a food article for you today.

I did have an amazing Shrimp Po-Boy at the Shrimp Dock in Knoxville, but I was so hungry that I forgot to take pictures of it. You'll just have to trust me...it was really yummy.

Anyway, I was in for my kidney doctor checkup at UT. He comes in by himself and sits down next to me...this is never a good sign. I much prefer it when they breeze in with a gang of baby doctors in tow. I love baby doctors...they are just so cute!

So, I'm shedding like a gram of protein in my urine every 24 hours. This is evidently a lot. Evidently, if it doesn't stop it, my kidneys will start to fail. Anyway, he wants a kidney biopsy. Now, the last time I had a biopsy, I ended up in the hospital in a coma for six months with a gang of nonsocomial infections and had to learn how to walk again.

So naturally, I am a bit reticent about saying, "Why sure, doc...go ahead and stick a great whopping needle in my innards! Sounds like fun to me!"

He tells me this isn't a big deal and I even get to be awake for it! It's an outpatient procedure...but sometimes they keep people overnight. So, I guess which one clotting disorder chick gets to be.

So, I'm sitting there and I feel that stupid thing my chin starts to do when it crumples up and then that hot heavy feeling in my eyes.

I say, brokenly, "Well....you know.,..it's just...it's just...well, every time I walk in a hospital I wonder if I'm ever going to get to go home again."

He pats me on the back and I don't feel better. I'm afraid.

And the crappy thing about it is...I felt so good today. I really did. I still do.

So, I convince him to give me another month. To try to do another draw in a few weeks and come back. It's more to give me the time to get used to the idea of having this done. And to give me a bit more time to hope that maybe this is just lupus weirdness and it will correct itself.

So, I guess I'd better get writing...'cause it looks like I've been handed my deadline.

I was afraid that I would have a very sad post for you today.

Yesterday morning I called the herd in for some hay. They had skittered down the mountain to drink from the creek. All came back except Pearlie.

The night had been milder than we had had in a while and I decided to leave wee Bridey out with her mom to get a full 24 hours of milk on her mom. She's so tiny. I just wanted her to grow more.

I called and called for Pearlie and finally she came up. Without Bridey or Goata (thanks to Erica for naming Bridey's brother). Pearlie wandered around all day looking like she'd left her car keys somewhere. She would stand by the front porch and bleat up at me. The white goats are really sweet but they are not the brightest of goats.

Pearlie is the original dumb platinum blonde of goatdom. She has large expressive eyes that follow you and have a sort of curiously vapid expression. She's very mouthy and a bit whiny. When she talks, you're pretty sure she's saying very blonde things. But she's very sweet and vulnerable, and like most blondes, you can't help but love her and want to protect her.

Cameron Diaz once said, "I've been noticing gravity since I was very young." That's the sort of thing I imagine comes out of Pearlie's mouth on a regular basis.

I drove down to The Fifteenth and tried to spot the kids on the cliff side. I knew it was an exercise in futility. Both Bridey and Goata are perfectly camouflaged. I stood on the cliff and called for Bridey. I thought I heard her a few times, but I couldn't be sure. Sound behaves strangely here. And BossyToe always answers so I couldn't be sure if the kid cry I was hearing was from BossyToe over the the far pasture or from Bridey down the hill.

As we were losing light, I made one more futile gesture to reclaim the lost kids. I marched Pearlie and the rest of the herd over to the trail head that they had come up from that morning. And I sent Pearlie's happy ass back down the mountain. I figured the least she could do is go down there and feed them. Her udder was tight and painful by this point...a reminder of what she was missing.

At sunset, a tired looking Pearlie with the two kids emerged from the opposite side of the farm. She had found them and this time realized that she had to walk them back along Big Creek to the place where the slope was not so vertical.

No more nights outside for Bridey. She's sooooo grounded.

BossyToe was overjoyed to see her best buddy. She danced and leaped around her wanting to know all about her big adventure. Those two are as thick as thieves. I see them getting into loads of trouble when they get big.

Today I finished up the disbudding of the doe kids. I thought I would have two more including Bridey. The other being my moonspotted Violette. I wasn't looking forward to doing Violette. She is the most athletic of the triplets. Blanche is the largest, but also the laziest. Rose is the small, dairy one. I managed to sneak up on Violette and catch her...just barely. And wonders of wonders...a completely smooth forehead. Violette is polled like her mama. She will not grow horns and is gorgeously spotted as well.

In other goat news....My darling buck, Leonard, sidled up to me today with great affection. And peed on my shoe. It's official. He's in rut. So far, Bolly the wether, is bearing the brunt of his affections. I'm not thrilled about this. I wanted to get the buck pen built before we went through this again. Having kids in hot weather isn't much better than having them in cold. The babies will probably all have to come inside in the air conditioning. Damn.

So, today, I hurried to get as much farm work done while we had temps over 50 degrees. I got the round bale of hay moved on the trailer and tarped up the hill. I fixed the fences and got them really nice and hot. I disbudded little Bridey. Set up a new water tank and got the water situation ready for this week's snow and freeze.

In short, I pushed my body a wee bit past its breaking point. Betsy had asked me if my lupus was flaring and I bravely said, "No, I'm just really tired."

I don't know what she saw. Or how she saw it. I don't believe in many of the things Betsy believes in. I'm a skeptic. I don't like to think I'm giving off lupus vibes.

But I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it sneaking up on its little wolf paws. Growling and baring its little teeth.

I upped my pred and downed some pain pills to see if I could nip it in the bud. I'm too damn busy to be sick right now.

I have too much life to be living to deal with this shit. So it just better go away.