Smokey Mountain Breakdown

Well, I'm back in goat vomit land.

I came home from today's excursion to find Didi, one of the new Nubian does, upchucking in the pasture and fairly unsteady on her feet. Didi and Sonya were really undernourished when Betsy picked them up. They got much better at Betsy's but they still have a ways to go before they are as strong as the rest of my ruffians.

Every goat who comes on the property goes through this. There is something on my property that is very sick-making for goats. They eat it once, get dreadfully ill, then never eat it again. At least, that has been the pattern thus far. Each time, I lead the miserable goat up to the house, get them as warm as possible, give maalox and anti-toxin and wait the damn thing out. Usually when they turn the corner they start drinking lots of water. Sometimes they throw that up, but it's a sign that they are on the mend. So far, Violette had the worst case so far. But Didi is one very sick goat.

I'm worried for her. She's just not as strong as the rest. And she's really uncomfortable. Goats have a very low tolerance for pain and discomfort.

Speaking of goat vomit....

I was watching a piece on ABC News tonight, which I still watch despite the loss of my beloved Peter Jennings, and saw the segment on "Purity Balls".

Being the screaming liberal that I am, my dander immediately started to rise. Not for the reason you think, though. Yes, I agree that it probably leads to STDs and teen pregnancy for those girls who don't get the benefit of sex education along with their "purity" vow. And yes, I'm a bit miffed that so much government funding is going into a program with an 86 percent failure rate. But I think it's sweet, the whole father/daughter dance thing. It's just about as sweet as it can be.

No, what I'm pissed about is that the entire thing is completely draconian because none of these abstinence warriors are bright enough to figure that they are missing half...perhaps more than half...of the idiot equation.

Where the hell is all the government funding for the "Chivalry Ball", I ask you?

Ideally, this would be a year long ordeal consisting of ball room dance, etiquette classes, poetry and a firm grounding in the elements of honor, respect and morality in dealing with the "fairer sex". Young men would be put through a Miss Manners boot camp to emerge as young gentlemen who fully understood that they open doors, walk on the left side of their date, use the silverware furthest from their plate first and absolutely, unequivocally know that "no" means "no". At the end of this year, they attend a formal dance escorting their sainted mothers and swear to them that they will never treat any woman with anything but the utmost respect.

I'm hoping that the ball room dance classes will eliminate any need for the use of electrodes anywhere in this indoctrination. I'm not absolutely sure of this, but that's my thinking.

I'm just saying, if you insist on doing this abstinence thing despite the fact that it simply doesn't work...at least get it right.

That's the only way purity is ever going to have any balls.