Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Truck Nuts.

Okay. So, I'm in Walmart today after picking up the lawnmower and having a big ole pity party and a good cry at my therapist's. I leave with my groceries and as I'm walking off to my jeep, I spy a big truck. It has truck nuts. Big black ones. Truck scrotum. Srsly.

WTF is up with truck nuts, anyway? I mean, do they have some sort of purpose? Do they keep your trailer hitch from jouncing off? 'Cause if they do, then I might get some balls for the jeep--though I'd prolly see if they had jeep ovaries. Pink ones. Do truck nuts do anything? Anything, at all? Other than say, "My truck has balls and I have one of those mounted, singing fish hanging in a place of pride back home at the double-wide?"

This is my problem with the implied virile message of truck nuts. They are absurdly small if one was to take the anthropomorphic metaphor to it's ultimate conclusion. I mean, them's some tiny testicles to be dangling from the back of a Dodge Ram. And since they are swinging from the trailer hitch---the implication is the trailer hitch has something to do with it. And the trailer hitch is not the biggest part of the truck--if you get my drift. Maybe not the best thing to be advertising or drawing attention to, if you know what I mean. And they are sort of homoerotic in a Bubbalicious sort of way. I'm sure Scott would totally get what I mean, since he likes a bit of rough.

For one mad moment, there in the crowded Walmart parking lot--I sort of wanted to go over and give them a little squeeze. Just to see what everyone's reaction would be. If anyone would call me on it.

8 Comments:

  1. Missybw said...
    OMG I wish you would have. Caleb would have been writing about you for sure then!
    myrope said...
    Uh oh.

    You made me laugh at my desk again, and now my boss wants to know what's so funny...

    gigglesnort
    Tim Jones-Yelvington said...
    whaaaaaat is a truck nut? Are there pictures of this phenomenon?
    Sara said...
    It sounds hilarious but like Tim I am ignorant of truck nuts. I have to know more...
    Sara said...
    OMG!!! I googled. You really mean people put these on for decorative purposes!

    http://www.truck-nuts.com/gallery.html

    That has blown my mind.
    bonnie said...
    What a picture! :D
    reporter666 said...
    you can see some pics at my blog http://reporter666.wordpress.com hope you get a laugh?
    Galadriel said...
    Noooo, truck nuts are purely cosmetic.

    But I like the commentary.

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