Smokey Mountain Breakdown

Okay. So, I'm in Walmart today after picking up the lawnmower and having a big ole pity party and a good cry at my therapist's. I leave with my groceries and as I'm walking off to my jeep, I spy a big truck. It has truck nuts. Big black ones. Truck scrotum. Srsly.

WTF is up with truck nuts, anyway? I mean, do they have some sort of purpose? Do they keep your trailer hitch from jouncing off? 'Cause if they do, then I might get some balls for the jeep--though I'd prolly see if they had jeep ovaries. Pink ones. Do truck nuts do anything? Anything, at all? Other than say, "My truck has balls and I have one of those mounted, singing fish hanging in a place of pride back home at the double-wide?"

This is my problem with the implied virile message of truck nuts. They are absurdly small if one was to take the anthropomorphic metaphor to it's ultimate conclusion. I mean, them's some tiny testicles to be dangling from the back of a Dodge Ram. And since they are swinging from the trailer hitch---the implication is the trailer hitch has something to do with it. And the trailer hitch is not the biggest part of the truck--if you get my drift. Maybe not the best thing to be advertising or drawing attention to, if you know what I mean. And they are sort of homoerotic in a Bubbalicious sort of way. I'm sure Scott would totally get what I mean, since he likes a bit of rough.

For one mad moment, there in the crowded Walmart parking lot--I sort of wanted to go over and give them a little squeeze. Just to see what everyone's reaction would be. If anyone would call me on it.