Monday, May 12, 2008

So, I use part of my "stimulus" payment to buy a new vacuum cleaner. I've been vacuum cleanerless for many months since my trusty old upright gave up the ghost. Me and the broom have been tight ever since. S'okay since I have hardwood floors.

I choose the Eureka 4D bagless idiot wonder. I confess to being swayed by the cherry red color and powerful looking design. It's the second time I've given bagless technology a go. And once again I am underwhelmed. Right out of the box, it refuses to work in the upright position. It works fine from the attachments but given that it is an upright vacuum cleaner, one would expect the uprighted primary feature to be the one that works best. Anyway, it manages to smear dirt around and picks nothing up. It also weighs a ton.

My experience with bagless vacuum technology has become rather like the classic comedy sketch One Leg Too Few in which Dudley Moore and Peter Cook act out a casting call in which a one-legged man shows up to audition for the role of Tarzan.

Cook: Mr Spiggott - you are, I believe, auditioning for the part of Tarzan.
Moore: Right.
Cook: Now Mr Spiggott, I couldn't help noticing - almost at once - that you are a one-legged person.
Moore: You noticed that?
Cook: I noticed that, Mr Spiggott. When you have been in the business as long as I have, you come to notice these little things almost instinctively.
So, I call the Eureka people and the conversation goes something like this:
Rosie: Mr. Eureka - I bought a Eureka upright and it won't work in the upright position.
Mr. Eureka: Right.
Rosie: Now Mr. Eureka, I couldn't help noticing - almost at once - that an upright vacuum cleaner should most likely work in the upright position, but this does not.
Mr. Eureka: You noticed that?
Rosie: I noticed that, Mr. Eureka. When you have been sucking as long as I have, you come to notice when something doesn't suck almost instinctively.
We go around like this for a while. My argument is that it cannot possibly have a blockage unless one was placed there in the factory especially for me. His argument is that I have flushed tampons down it or some such nonsense and all I have to do is take a phillips head screwdriver and remove whatever was magically crammed up there the moment it was unboxed. Never mind that the screws are some weird star shape a phillips head won't fit in or that the refer to page 17 in the troubleshooting guide directs me to a Spanish language page.

Fortunately, Walmart has agreed to take back the offending vacuum cleaner so I don't have to take the thing to Morristown for service.

Anyway, I'm completely against bagless vacuums at this point. I'm not sure what Dyson is smoking that they think they can charge 400 bucks for one of these things. I'm convinced even the high end of these would be inferior to a vacuum with it's bag properly where it should be.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.


  1. Leeuna said...
    Bwaahaha-hahah... So sorry about your vacuum cleaner Rosie but your post cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh.

    Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...
    You should have stuck with your broom.

    The wierd Phillips screw was probably a torque. (More points than a philips. You need torque screw drives.

    I am glad to see you are an Dudley Moore/ Peter Cook/ Alan Bennett/Jonathan Miller fan. Our family members were great Beyond the Fringe Fans. We got so we just had to say a line out of a skit and we all laughed recalling the whole skit. "And Dudley Moore continued to play with himself".
    Not all Americans get the English accents or sense of houmour.
    Mike Golch said...
    our package is going twords our car insurance.
    KMTBERRY said...
    By no means am I trying to pry that story from your lips- but- when you are artists, you often end up not owning much of anything; consequently I didn't own a vacuum til I was 40. I got a SHOP VAC WET DRY and it ruled, but when my husband vacuumed the floors it made his back hurt a lot because it ISN'T an upright.

    So, I did the classic thing of buying him a DYSON $400 vacuum for his birthday! Just like on a sitcom where the wife is all mad you got her a cleaning tool....BUT.....HE LOVES IT and I have to say that it outsucks even a SHOP VAC WET/DRY vacuum (which were invented for guys to suck up sawdust and water in their workshops and factories) I mean, that DYSON is SO WELL DESIGNED it is ridonkulous, it is almost as though someone with BRAINS designed it to be easy to use and work well!! It works better than is THE DREAM VACUUM.
    Audubon Ron said...
    I have two vacuum cleaners, three if you count the shop vac. They all suck a BIG GREEN WEENIE. The upright, a Hoover, (a vacuum named after a former FBI Director best known for cleaning up crime, notice I didn’t say grime) is good only for carpet. On hardwood and lino, the rotating brush sends all the little particles under the back side and pecks your angles like a sand storm. The canister I’ve had since the 80’s, for some reason I’ve always I called her Shelia. She is good only for hardwood and lino since I’ve lost all her attachments and her capet attach was a little rough, turning the carpet into fuzz. Her hose is a mostly duck tape now. There is no such thing as a good vacuum.
    erin ambrose said...
    hey! i just bought my first vaccuum ever last week! its in the stars....mine is an older...probably vintage...rainbow vaccuum. i got it on ebay. they're like 1500 new or some such nonsense.
    being an evironmentally ill type of person with real lung issues, i'm happy with it. a bit clunky as its a canister vac, and changing the water can get tedious when you live with as many animals as i do, but it works well.
    reminds of my old, also vintage mercedes...its old, but its a MERCEDES.
    the vac cost me 150.

    theres my 2 pennies.

    hope you are well rosie! i'm sorry about your friend moving away...where o where will you find another rural queer to chill with? we are a rare species.
    Robert said...
    Rosie: We bought a Dyson D 18 last week at Bed Bath &Beyond. They have a price match policy so if you can find it for less elsewhere, they will sell it to you for the advertised price of their competitors We also get coupons in the mail from BBB for 20% off on any purchase. Anyhow, we paid about $280 for this D18. It is so much better than our electrolux. Go get one if you can find one; I think that this model is going to be discontinued.

    Anonymous said...
    Been the bagless vacuum cleaner route just a little after that craze started.. end result - they suck, and not in a good way. Can't justify spending several hundred dollars on the Dyson because it's a good sucker, it's still bagless. The thing is they need to be empytied out and more often than not the bagless ones only let all that suckage fly free again.
    The filters, those waay over expensive little boxes of corrorgated paper is another hidden cost, I mean, wth is it that a replacement was damn near $35? Upright vs canister is damn near a moral dilemma since the choice forces lifestyle examination.

    sope, I went with the Kenmore canister, strong little sucker it is alright and also got Four bags of bags. Ya, it was still spendy all in all even though on a good sane sale, but has done it's good real well, haven't lost any of the attachments cause they store under the 'hood'. The cord winder hasn't lost it's umphh and still pulls the whole cord back nicely.

    Now if I can just get the dang thing back from my kid...

    The Rainbow one is a very good 'hooka' setup and gives the satisfaction of knowing all the dander and dust is now a semi muddy slurry that can be poured down the drain thereby leaving the house free for a new generation of dust mites and whatnot.

    The, dang what is it called now, you know that one that can suck and pick up a bowling ball? Ya, that one, is a good light weight model and has a warranty for eighty years! (Really, the guy told me that at the cleanest store I've been in in years) Thing is, as I looked at his sincere eyes and gentle manner, I was thinking 'Dude, neither you nor I will be around that long that's for dang sure!' Plus the price was more than the Dyson.

    So, keep a good broom handy Rosie and since you have hardwood floors maybe those slippers I saw in a little catalog recently with the swiffer type material that can be attached to the soles might come in handy in a pinch..

    Oh ya, the Kenmore came in a right sexy deep red too...


    Anonymous said...
    Oh, ya, and there seems to me to be something really several layers of wrong with a service center employee who would suggest what he did... do I detect a thinly veiled misogonistic attitude parading as a master of suck in him? Hm? just sayin..
    Jo said...
    Do you think these appliances have taken on a life of their own and are rising up in rebellion against us. Seems like a lot of people are talking about faulty appliances. That really sucks that your new vaccum was a dd right out of the box. Life sucks...too bad the vaccum didn't.
    Anonymous said...
    I would marry my Dyson if my hubby would let me. Kidding, but it is the best vacuum EVER!
    Jbeeky said...
    It is a consipiracy. Dell, Eureka, Pizza Hut. All a conspiracy. Hold on, I am getting a call on my toothbrush.

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