Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I got three rejections today and spent the better part of the day swimming in the frosty pool of my own shortcomings. I don't find this to be a particularly bad thing to do. In my twenties, it ranked right up there as a suicidal tendency, but I need to look at myself that way now and again. Take the cover off the mirror. Pull out the windex. Embrace my freakishness. My monsterhood.

It's easy in my isolation to see myself as normal. To think there is even such a thing. I go about my day. I function just fine. No one stares at me except the dogs and what they are saying is clearly transparent. So I give them each a biscuit. Good dog.

But I am different. I am apart. Up here on my mountain, I look out into the mist. Look out into the rain that drizzles like it did on Glastonbury Tor that day long ago. I'd climbed to the top of the Tor and stood on the remnants of the thirteenth century belltower--the only remaining structure from an earthquake in 1275 that shuddered beneath that limestone dragon's back. Curious thing--in that belltower, the wind cut through the center at 45 mph, trying to rip it from the nipple of that hill. I was sick then. Sick as I am now. Different as I am now.

I didn't let the wind knock me down.

It's hard to look at my shortcomings. But I sort of need to now and then. So the wind doesn't knock me down.

8 Comments:

  1. buddydon said...
    i shore do hope ye wont let rejeckshun stop ye frum ritin or real eyesin whut matters. i always lack to tell myself that 'no conscious effort is ever wasted in the universe,' witch it gut thatn frum a feller name of Gurdjieff.

    yer a fine riter n that fack that tiz hard to git published these days dont change nuthin bout that.
    Lee said...
    eh....f*ck 'em Rosie...and you seem perfectly normal to me ;)
    Omnibus Driver said...
    Rosie, please take a look at all the work that you've done that's been accepted before you work yourself up over a couple of rejectons. When you take your body of work as a whole, most writers would KILL to be in your shoes.

    You are a fabulous writer, and a couple of rejections isn't going to change that.

    Don't let the bastards get you down.
    Paula said...
    Most writers and artist do feel isolated, different, disconnected and they draw some of the greatest material from painful memories and such. It is easier to project oneself as upbeat and outgoing via internet - or at least it is easier for me to do so and I think sometimes it is comforting, in a twisted way admittedly, to hear that others feel stifled by their own problems, whether self-inflicted or not.

    I'm not sure what type of illness you are referring to, but I got the feeling it is not something to chalk up to ...it's nothing, Rosie - chin up. You seem pretty level headed and qualified to assess facts, but I will say - you are a gifted writer - take whatever you are feeling and pour it into your art...give it an outlet so it doesn't fester inside and make you feel worse.

    ::Pat on the back:: hang in there.
    Nancy said...
    No one is ALWAYS published. Every writer has rejection letters. Your acceptance letters are far more significant and impressive than the rejections. Keep that keyboard warm and your fingers limber!
    Cappy said...
    There's no pool like a frosty pool. Pretty good for a techie, huh?
    annetteinalaska said...
    So... I'm the one who's been boogering up your blog stats the last month or so. I ran across your blog and decided to start at the beginning.

    Good ol' rejection and introspection, parts of life that go together. At least they should. I think of all the folks who never bother to get around to the introspection part. Folks who never even think about it. I feel sorry for them. They are missing a great opportunity for themselves. Opportunities to grow.

    I say, if you're going to go to the trouble to access shortcomings, at least take full advantage of it and make something useful bloom.

    Right?
    Jbeeky said...
    I will always accept you and accept you and accept you with glowing reviews everytime I am blessed enough to read your blog.

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