Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I got three rejections today and spent the better part of the day swimming in the frosty pool of my own shortcomings. I don't find this to be a particularly bad thing to do. In my twenties, it ranked right up there as a suicidal tendency, but I need to look at myself that way now and again. Take the cover off the mirror. Pull out the windex. Embrace my freakishness. My monsterhood.
It's easy in my isolation to see myself as normal. To think there is even such a thing. I go about my day. I function just fine. No one stares at me except the dogs and what they are saying is clearly transparent. So I give them each a biscuit. Good dog.
But I am different. I am apart. Up here on my mountain, I look out into the mist. Look out into the rain that drizzles like it did on Glastonbury Tor that day long ago. I'd climbed to the top of the Tor and stood on the remnants of the thirteenth century belltower--the only remaining structure from an earthquake in 1275 that shuddered beneath that limestone dragon's back. Curious thing--in that belltower, the wind cut through the center at 45 mph, trying to rip it from the nipple of that hill. I was sick then. Sick as I am now. Different as I am now.
I didn't let the wind knock me down.
It's hard to look at my shortcomings. But I sort of need to now and then. So the wind doesn't knock me down.
yer a fine riter n that fack that tiz hard to git published these days dont change nuthin bout that.
You are a fabulous writer, and a couple of rejections isn't going to change that.
Don't let the bastards get you down.
I'm not sure what type of illness you are referring to, but I got the feeling it is not something to chalk up to ...it's nothing, Rosie - chin up. You seem pretty level headed and qualified to assess facts, but I will say - you are a gifted writer - take whatever you are feeling and pour it into your art...give it an outlet so it doesn't fester inside and make you feel worse.
::Pat on the back:: hang in there.
Good ol' rejection and introspection, parts of life that go together. At least they should. I think of all the folks who never bother to get around to the introspection part. Folks who never even think about it. I feel sorry for them. They are missing a great opportunity for themselves. Opportunities to grow.
I say, if you're going to go to the trouble to access shortcomings, at least take full advantage of it and make something useful bloom.
Right?