Saturday, July 19, 2008

I had to go to the doctor in Knoxville yesterday. It's sort of weird when they tell you--even if you know it already that you've reached the end of treatment options for a condition. I'm scared all the time now with every little pain I get in my head. You think--crap--is this it? Is this the moment I stroke out and completely lose some enormous part of me? With other stuff, you sort of know what's going to happen, but with clots--you just don't.

I got sort of upset at the doctor's office. I'm pretty good at hiding fear most of the time, but I'm less so now. I seem to cry at the doctor's more often now--which just makes them think I'm a nutter.

I guess that's why I haven't been blogging much.

I had them write down the names of the weird clotting things I have. I've now had both arterial and veinous thrombotic events--and that's not good. We are sort of in the praying the blood thinners hold stage of things. I'm on all of them.

Aside from the Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome, I've got Heterozygous PA1 4G/5G and Heterozygous MTHFR. Guess what I think MTHFR stands for?

They all still think I'm a drug fiend. I may have to leave this part of the country. I'm tired of being treated like a criminal because I hurt and asked for help. I've never gotten any help, so I'm not sure what their problem is.

Anyway, enough of that cheery subject. How about some Porn and Donuts?


Bubba Rubin was halfway home before he reached for his cell phone and found it missing. He groped through the pile of junk mail and Hardee’s wrappers riding shotgun with him, searching for it.

“Awww, fuck.” Bubba wheeled the big Caddy, making a U-turn in the middle of Broadway to head back to the store. He traveled back using the side streets as he always did. Mrs. Bubba had asked him to pick up some items at the grocers and he had left his list. It did not take him long to get back.

He pulled into his parking place beside the store. The big Krispy-Kreme Doughnut van took up its usual two parking spaces across the street. The musician who lived in the loft space sometimes brought him day olds from his day job delivering doughnuts. Bubba heaved himself out of the Caddy and headed for the door.

Lucius and Kellie emerged from the Grotto just in time to see Bubba Rubin emerge from his vehicle. The cell phone shrieked, “Ding-da-da-Ding-da-da-Ding-ding-ding”.

They scrambled for a place to hide. Kellie dove into the center of one of the lingerie racks leaving Lucius to his own devices. Lucius looked around frantically. Finally, he wedged himself behind the Lola Delight Inflatable Pleasure Doll and tried to make himself small.

Bubba knew something was wrong when the door pushed open. He stalked in, his tall frame bristling with orange menace.

“Who’s there?” He looked around the dimly lit store, knowing something was not right. “I’m warning you--I got a gun.”

Bubba did have a gun, but it was behind the counter on the bottom shelf beneath the cash register. The cell phone started up again and Bubba moved behind the checkout counter. He found the phone, looked at the incoming number and answered. It was Mrs. Bubba.

“Hey Honey, Can I call you back? It looks like I’ve had a break-in. I got to call the police.” He reached down to the bottom shelf and slapped the gun on the counter. "Yes, yes, I'll be careful." Bubba tucked the gun in his waistband.

Lucius felt sick. He looked over at Kellie. She looked at him, jerking her head and raising her eyebrows. Lucius knew she was trying to tell him something; he just was not sure what that was.

Bubba walked out into the main part of the store. He rubbed a hand through his thinning orange hair before striding over to the beads hanging from the doorway to the Grotto. He looked in and saw the safe door hanging open. He disappeared into the dark room.

"Goddammit to hell!"

Kellie poked her head out from her hiding place and moved towards the front door, the duffel bag slung like a bandolier over her shoulders. She waved at Lucius to follow her.

Bubba rattled around in the back room cursing and slamming the safe door shut. It popped back open and he slammed it a few more times.

When Lucius eased from his refuge, he found the lace teddy on the Lola Delight doll entangled with his shirt buttons. He wiggled around to see if she would release her rubbery hold on him. Lola had found her man and was not going anywhere. Kellie opened the front door and turned to look at Lucius. She met Lucius' eyes and widened hers. Lucius lurched off the platform Lola stood on. Lola followed him and his duffel bag rattled into the wall. The stand holding Lola upright crashed to the floor.

Bubba charged out of the Grotto just as Kellie slipped out the door with the cash.

Lucius skittered toward the door, holding his vinyl hostage in front of him.

Bubba glared at Lucius before pulling the gun out of his pants and aiming it at him.

“You dumb fuck,” Bubba spat, “Do you think that damn doll is going to help you? I’ll blow your sorry ass to kingdom come!”


  1. Margy Rydzynski said...
    Damn, that sucks, Rosie. I think you might need to move to some place that offers better medical care. Your immediate environs may be beautiful, but I'd say they're pretty lethal, too. Keep in touch.
    Maridmitch said...
    I read a book called "Heart in the Right Place" about a young woman who returned to east Tennessee after her mother had a heart attack. She worked as in her father's doctor's office as a receptionist while her mother recuperated. The author mentioned that east Tennesseeans were very stoic when it came to pain. That doesn't bode well for people like you with serious medical problems.

    Rosie, I am so sorry your health conditions are proving so difficult to treat and manage. It's a long drive into Knoxville from where you live. Maybe it is time to move elsewhere.
    Anonymous said...
    come to oregon.
    Jo said...
    Aaaaaah...would it stand for something about someone's mother?

    Rosie have they done nothing for your pain? I don't know if it is like this all over, but if one Dr. gives you something for pain you have to sign your dog gone life away that you agree not to let anyone else give you anything for all has to come from the one Dr. I think that is a bunch of trash.

    Thanks for the installment this week of the serial story.. I love reading what you write Rosie.
    Bill Dockery said...
    I hope you can find some physical healing, Rosie. It's frightening to think of losing some of your self. I, for one, hope you don't have to give up your presence in Cosby.

    Bill D

    P.S. Was up your way on Friday. Took the kids to Big Creek to splash around and picnic, and then drove up to Max Patch for the sunset.

    P.P.S. The "Heart in the Right Place" book that someone else mentioned -- it's a really good read. Carolyn now works as a publicist at Sugarlands Visitors Center. Good person, good writer.
    Jbeeky said...
    I hope you can move even for a small amount of time to get the medical help you so desperately deserve. I hate to think of you in pain.
    Anonymous said...
    Rosie, I left Cocke County 29 years ago because with a baby coming I felt the need to live somewhere with a pediatrician. It is a haul into Knoxville, especially if you have to make that trip in pain or a dicey medical situation. Plus I worry about you up there with ? close helpful neighbors. Having said that, I have never got over missing my life there. Di

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