Saturday, July 05, 2008

I'm dating this for yesterday. So sorry. Really, I'm sorry. Here's a chicken picture to show you how sorry I am--

Not enough? Here's another of the same chicken beating the crap out of the guineas--

Okay--we good?--Now for some Porn and Donuts:


Mistress Mona’s Lingerie and Adult Emporium sat tucked away on an industrial side street on the north side of Knoxville and carried a selection of plus-size lingerie and fuck-me pumps in sizes up to 14DD in stock. A mixture of drag queens, strippers, working girls and lately, some straight-laced couples formed the clientele. The proprietor’s most recent marketing brainstorm, an entire back room devoted to Christian marital aides called “The Grotto of Earthly Delight”, targeted evangelical Christian couples. It was a real money-maker.

The sign over the door leading to the Grotto said, “Please! Married Couples Only!!!”

You could spot the ones coming to shop in the Grotto. The men, dressed in conservative chinos, polo shirts and women in matching sweater sets, looked furtive and blushed easily. Sometimes the ladies would come alone, clutching their handbags closely to their bosoms. They would pause outside the shop before entering, and then looked around for Mistress Mona.

Mistress Mona was never there. Mistress Mona was, in fact, Bubba Rubin, a freakishly tall, furry man with thinning orange hair and a ruddy complexion. The third generation in a respected family of Southern Jewish shopkeepers, his family tried not to think about him too much. Bubba did not make it to Temple often and had a fondness for Sonny’s pulled pork barbecue, as well as a prescription drug habit.

Biblical themes decorated The Grotto of Earthly Delight. The Garden of Eden was, of course, featured, but to offset any feelings of original sin that might evoke, a large airbrushed velvet painting of the Last Supper hung over the glass showcases filled with “helpmates for the marital bed”. The belly-buttons of the models on the packaging of items such as the Screaming Octopus and Japanese G-Spot Squirmy, had been taped over for modesty’s sake.

Bubba kept a large sum of cash stashed behind the portrait of the Last Supper for his informal check cashing business. He had just made a deposit to the bank of the Last Supper and was about to close up the store. He did not notice the beat up red Fiesta parked across the street when he got his blue Caddy to head home.

Lucius and Kellie watched Bubba lock up. Lucius fiddled with the car's cobra head-shaped shifter, while Kellie slumped down in the driver’s seat, watching as Bubba drove away.


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