Smokey Mountain Breakdown

Okay, so sue me. I took a break. I felt guilty about it, but I sort of needed some off-blog time.

Anyway, not much going on. Just waiting for my toe to scab over so I can sheare the sheep. Bless their hearts. They hide out in the cool shack all day and spend the evening grazing. Got to get that fleece off of them in this heat--as soon as I can stand to wear my boots.

Today's installment of Porn and Donuts had salty language and adult situations. Just a warning. These sorts of people use salty language and engage in adult situations. So don't read if it offends, M'kay?


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Back in the room, he sat on the unmade bed and turned on the bedside lamp. When he opened the letter, the odor of White Shoulders escaped, making his eyes water. It smelled like home.

He sneezed a few times before reading: Dear Lucius, I’m so sorry to bother you at work, but it’s been a long time since I heard from you. I’m afraid I have some bad news and the family needs you. Your Granddaddy Otis has passed away. We aren’t sure what to do as he didn’t have no life insurance. I told your sisters we may have to bring you back to help take care of the arrangements since you are the onliest one in the family that could afford to help with the burial and the monument costs. Please call as soon as you get this letter. I’m sorry to have to pull you away from your busy life as a record producer, but we need you here to help pay for Papaw’s funeral. Eight thousand dollars should do it.

His mother scrawled her name, dotting her “i”s with little hearts.

Lucius felt ill. He had lied to his family for years, telling them he was working on the “next big thing” in country music. His family back in Jolo, Kentucky did not questioned why he never sent any money to them, visited in his Mercedes or invited them to stay at his spacious country mansion.

He stared at the letter until Kellie came back. She strolled into the room with bedroom eyes, her pupils dilated. She had crushed one of the oxycontins and snorted it on the way home.

“Good news!” She had an odd combination of dopiness and jitters that comes from snorting enough semi-synthetic opioid in a few seconds to last an entire day. “I got enough cash and oxys to last us a week! And I went ahead and paid Rupert the rent, so he’s happy.”

She crawled on the bed and sat with her legs wrapped around him, spooning into his back with her breasts. When she got no reaction, she rubbed the crotch of his jeans and nuzzled his ear.

“So who shot your dog, honey?”

“I’m in a heap of trouble, Kellie.” Lucius handed the letter over to her.

She took it and lay back on the pillows to read.

“So, your Mommy thinks you have eight thousand dollars to give her.”

“Yep. She thinks I drive a Mercedes and have a big house too.”

“Oh, crap.” Kellie seemed to straighten up and tense when she looked at the return address.

“Oh, crap is about the gist of it.” Lucius hung his head. “Where am I gonna get eight thousand dollars to pay for Granddaddy’s funeral? My momma’s gonna be crushed if she finds out I’ve been lying to her all these years. But what could I tell them? That I clean up poop at a Wild West Dinner Theater? And I cain’t even hold onto that job? Oh, Sweet Jesus, what am I gonna do?”

“Oh, crap.”

Lucius looked up and scraped his fingers across his scalp. “Yeah, you said that already.” He said, turning to look at her.

“No--what I mean is--well, if I’m reading this right--Lucius--” Kellie folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Her hands shook slightly as she met his eyes.

Lucius stood up and faced her. He stamped on the stained carpet. “What? What, for God’s sake?”

Her dilated pupils made her look sexy, Lucius thought. He was briefly distracted by their moist glassiness.

“No, uh--Lucius, finding eight thousand dollars, a Mercedes and turning you into a record producer isn’t the worst of our troubles.”

Lucius stood there looking at her.

Kellie sucked her bottom lip. “Lucius, we’re first cousins.”

Lucius collapsed into the chair next to the window. He put his head in his hands and groaned.

“Jesus. I’ve lied to my Momma and I’m fucking my cousin. I’m going to hell. I’m just going to hell.”

Kellie produced a bottle of oxys and handed it to him.

“Here. Crush up one of these. It’ll make you feel better.”