Thursday, December 06, 2007

Grassy Fork News Bulletin

Well, I got nothin' today, so I thought I'd bring you up to date on the local news.

Maridmitch asked about the big fire. Yes, it's true, we had 200 acres burn just down the road from me. It's the second time this particular stretch of kudzu has burnt up since I moved here. What happens is the kudzu that covers just about every uncultivated stand of property and makes this place so green and kudzu-ey during the summer, dries to a brown ugly mess right after the first frost. It joins the mass of equally flammable material left over from the previous years. When it catches “afire” it is sort of like a grass fire. Swift and scary. So…200 acres of it went up in one night.

They suspect arson and are offering rewards for any information regarding who set the fire. Arson is a hugely trendy crime here.

Remember my little Food City bomb threat experience on Monday? I was indeed correct, it was a bomb threat. Well, they caught two teenagers who called it in. It evidently took two of them to call it in. One to dial the number and another to talk into the phone. I really don't want to see what happens when these two have to change a light bulb.

I will now conduct an informal poll as to which of the following headlines from the Newport Plain Talk’s From the Record section in yesterday’s paper is the most creative.

Would it be:

A. German Shepherds herded away
B. Caravan driver “Dodges” Payment
C. Ranger finds deer
D. Infinitely intrepid fender-bender

Personally, I'm torn between A and D.


  1. missyb64 said...
    OMG... I had forgotten how much fun the Plain Talk is! I want the job of the guy who writes the police report headlines. I went to the online site and read some more... I'm still cackling!
    Rosie said...
    Yes, I bow to Caleb Abramson's alliterate punstership. Did you see "Potential pajama perpetrator cited" , "Alleged soap thief attempts clean getaway", and "Alleged salt and pepper thief sprinkled with charges" in today's Police Reports? I hope they don't make him stop, 'cause I could totally drive their traffic up with those sorts of headlines.
    KMTBERRY said...
    Oh I TOTALLY vote for #2 !!!

    I wish MY paper (The Real-Estatesman) had that headline writer
    vonne said...
    definitely "A"

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