Saturday, September 08, 2007

Caffeinated Pork....It's what's for breakfast

Posted by Rosie at 12:37 AM

As you all know, I am a liberal Democrat. I make no secret of that and believe strongly in the practice of tolerance, freedom of speech and all that jazz. At heart...I carry around all of the liberal trappings and mannerisms. It's true, I do.

Including keeping my car radio pretty much super-glued to NPR. Well, I was driving down the interstate on my way to Newport while winding around the scenic mountain passes that are my commute, when I choose to make it. Today I was off to the library to return my books and do a bit of research for a few pieces I have in the writing mill.

Anyway, my favorite radio station had a classical selection playing that I wasn't quite up to so I decided to play it dangerously and hit the search button.

It took me to Rush Limbaugh broadcasting from Andersonville, TN. Well, my gag reflex was feeling a bit sluggish so I didn't wreck the jeep trying to change the channel. And as I drove, I listened to how I was trying to destroy America and what a big liar I was.

Honestly...I wasn't bothered at all. It just slid right off the fat part of my back. I was really proud of myself. I seem to have overcome that annoying habit of screaming back at the idiot pundits on the radio and television.

But then he committed a most foul heresy. He started plugging Maple Bacon flavored coffee.

"For heaven's sake, man!" I screamed. "How many tons of pulverized oxycontin do you have to shove up your nose to think caffeinated pork is a good idea!"

I just completely lost it at that point. My gag reflex seemed to make a full recovery. I am deeply and profoundly offended.

I'm a huge fan of all things coffee and all things bacon. I'm not one of those culinary ideologues who insist that my peas not touch my carrots. But this is an abomination. Truly, it is.

I'm just saying...if we start swilling pork flavored coffee...the terrorists have freakin' won, folks.

 

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10 Comments:

  1. Audubon Ron said...
    9/08/2007  
    I'm NPR too. Not a right wing or left wing, just for anything THAT MAKES SENSE! And stay away from that Glen Beck. He's been married a couple of times and is a recovering alcoholic but pushes the Christian agenda, Limbaugh is a drug addict pervert. Yeah, hide behind the martini's and pills boys. Why I oughtta...
    Erica said...
    9/08/2007  
    As a Joo, I have to say, Rosie, I do so agree. Pork-flavored coffee? It's just a sick, sick world we live in today. On a separate, completely unrelated note: Did you see "The Songcatcher" yet? Because I saw it advertised in some capacity on your site, and I just know you would love it, it taking place in Appalachia and all, with a sensitive love story, and such beautiful mountain music...it's definitely your cup of non-pork-flavored coffee.
    Rosie said...
    9/08/2007  
    Erica! I forgot it was you who recommended The Soungcatcher to me. Yes...Friend Scott got a copy of it from his bootlegger buddy and brought it over. Luckily...it was not one of the ones with Cyrillic subtitles or that had been pirated from video taping it from the projection booth. I loved it!
    alphabitch said...
    9/09/2007  
    Well, I don't much like anything but coffee flavored coffee, though I confess that I like country ham when you pour a half a cup or so of coffee on it while it's cooking and let it bubble down until it makes a little bit of a glaze/sauce type thing. I've heard it called 'red-eye gravy' but there's nothing very gravy-like about it.
    Ellamama said...
    9/09/2007  
    So funny, so true. As a southern girl I never plan on giving up the occasional pork product... but never in coffee. I don't really like any flavored coffee. I am married to a a vegetarian and coffee addict, and I'm sure he would be appalled. He used to love a certain light flaky italian bread baked by a european baker until he found out that it was made with lard. That elusive porky flavor.

    My daughter thinks NPR spells radio.

    Also a stark raving liberal democrat (sans a gun),

    Sally
    Deanna said...
    9/10/2007  
    Shudder, cough cough.

    I guess the disgust would wake you up in the morning...
    Kristin said...
    9/10/2007  
    mwah hahahahaha...
    rosie - it's terribly unfair I know, but I just have to say
    "ONLY IN AMERICA!!!"

    I am equally likely to crash my car while trying to get rid of an annoying radio-harangue.
    We are just entering an election cycle, so I'm hearing a heap more than usual. Even on my lefty-government/student station!
    Mrs. Geezerette said...
    9/10/2007  
    I like my coffee straight. No frills. I think it takes an adolescent to drink coffee flavored with anything including cream and sugar. Maybe that is what is wrong with our country. Too many people thinking like an adolescent.

    I like my bacon straight, too. But when it comes to milk, pass the chocolate syrup please.
    bluemountainmama said...
    9/13/2007  
    eeewwwww!

    but i love the post....it made me laugh....even though i'm a non-gun toting conservative. :)
    belledame222 said...
    9/14/2007  
    A who wha...?

    ...at least he's not plugging the coffee enemas, i suppose, a la Michael Weiner/Savage...

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