Friday, September 14, 2007
Sorry.
The truth is that I am battling depression on a scale that I've not had to deal with in many years.
I have deadlines that I will honor. But I just need a little sweetness in my life. I want a little surcease from the pain.
It's my birthday this weekend and I spent my last 20 bucks on dog food for the boys. All I really want to do is curl up in the fetal position and watch animes for about 20 hours straight. But, of course, Netflix has an absurd turn around time. I can't seem to stop crying. I appear to have lost one of my very dearest friends, someone I've been seeing every week practically since I lived here. It is a huge and substantial loss to me.
I'm feeling more certain that I need to sell this place and find somewhere even more remote. Someplace where people can't reach me at all.
Anyway. I'm sorry I don't have any food for you today. Friend Scott is coming over to feed me pizza and make sure I don't do anything harmful to myself.
Something is wrong with Max.
All I wanted was perhaps a pig for my birthday to eat up the stick plants. And now all I want is for the disasters to stop. Please stop.
i'm so glad you have your dear friend, scott.... he sounds like a very true and loving soul.
don't give in, dear.... that's what the devil would love. there is light and beauty and strength that you probably don't even know about dwelling deep in your soul that wants to emerge. maybe look at this as a time of being in a chrysalis..... but don't run away. i've tried......and it doesn't help.
"Weeping may endure for a night,
but Joy Comes in The Morning....."
-Psalm 30:5
that will be my prayer for you.....
and Birthday wishes from these applachian hills to yours.... if i were closer, i'd take you out for some pork BBQ and ribs! and of course, cake!
take care..... and i MEAN it!!!!
listen, drop me an email if you want to, okay? I can listen, at least. bel4 AT earthlink DOT net.
Hang in there.
And you know, like they say, this too shall pass. Never as quickly as we would like, but it will, eventually.
hugs for you.
i'd like to say something comforting and useful, but i know how hollow any words sound when life is like that.
i'll be thinking of you.
birthdays can be depressing. you're not alone, at least in that.
sorry to hear about you losing your best friend. that sounds pretty traumatic.
*hugs* and sweetness...
Good news, I’m a proud father. I went to the duck pen and low and behind, two duck eggs. I thought they’d be small, but NO, they are the size of a VW.
It’s my wife’s birthday this weekend too. Mine in seven more days. I’m running into a lot of Virgo/Libra type bloggers. Is this a trend?
Golly, what to say, you are special. Way big hugs to you and happy birthday.
Ron
Curl up, even if you can't have your anime, and hug your furry babies tight. And let your friend take care of you. Having a friend willing to do that is proof that not everything is wretched.
I'll say a prayer for you, if you don't object.
Again, I don't want to sound trite,
But "I've been there" with depression myself.
You need to rule out any medical basis for it, and given your health challenges, that could be tough.
I enjoy your blog--you hang in there!
Blessings,
Maridmitch
Sure hope you feel better soon.
I rarely get deeply depressed, but I am subject to a certain mindless ennui wherein tedious, petty habits and neurotic repetitions set in. I chalk it up to autumn birthdays.
Autumn is a time of death and dying-off in Hinduism/Ayurveda, paganism, syncretic Christianity (Day of the Dead), etc...it's not a traditional "birth-time", as spring is.
Thus, all Virgos, Libras and Scorpios are born existentially ass-backwards, and remain so forever after. We are constantly playing spiritual catch-up. (Think about it! It explains plenty.)