Monday, April 07, 2008

This was what I woke up to this morning. Took this off of my bedroom balcony. Pretty eh? Thought I'd treat you to a Sunday pix since I didn't get one in yesterday.

Been on the phone all day with doctors. Yeah. It's a big deal. Acute vision loss. It's worse today. So, Betsy is going to drive me into UT tomorrow so they can see me and figure out why I'm going blind in that eye. The good news and what makes me feel better is that the MRI was negative back in December. That was after an episode like this but not quite as bad. So, they don't think I have a clot back there.

I've been thinking a lot about what I would do if I lost my vision. I mean, if this happened in both my eyes I wouldn't be able to see at all. I wonder if I would be able to write. Writing is such a visual thing--and I've always been such a visual person. It's how I learn things. I don't only write to write stories, but there is something about the arrangement of words on a page that is beyond just the craft. It's a visual-design thing. There are nuances on the page of how certain punctuation looks. Like, emdashes look muscular and semicolons are much more feminine--it's about how they look as much as what they do. How will I function if I can't see that?

I didn't really understand what was happening until I looked at a printed page. The letters look like they've been typed with an overused typewriter ribbon (for those of you too young to know what this looks like--a laser printer that has run out of toner will do the same thing). How ironic is that? The writer loses the ability to see print.

I'm being really brave about this, but you know what? I'm really scared.


  1. Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...
    Be of good courage. Try not to dwell on the worst case senerio.

    My thoughts are with you during this scary time.

    I am hopeful I will hear good news from you in a day or so.

    I love you mountain scenery. I hope to return to you area for a short while next Fall when I attend a nieces wedding.
    erin ambrose said...
    i'm guessin' you're scared cuz thats some scary shit. and it would be a huge adjusment if you lost yr vision...but thats just'd adjust....cuz yr a tough ass.
    and its so true about writing and the visual design connection...i know exactly what you mean. its been hard to get used to typing on a stupid computer instead of doing what i love which is to write poetry by hand....but alas my hands are done with kills and the scrawl is so bad i don't even know what i've written.
    so i'm lucky to have a computer eh?

    anyway....i'm hoping ofcourse that the doctor goes well well well and that yr eyeballs keep on seeing everything!
    Jessica Gottlieb said...
    You live in paradise.

    That is exquisite and I know that even if the words are blurry you'll make them dance.
    Joan of Argghh! said...
    Sending good thoughts your way.

    Scratch that.

    Praying for a full recovery. Nothing less.

    Leeuna said...
    Oh Rosie. I am so sorry. I know it takes a lot to make you admit fear. (Don't ask me how I know that; I just sense it from your writing)
    Did the doctor think you will lose your sight in that eye or is he just concerned that it might happen? I pray that it will get better. Maybe it's something that will clear up with medication. Take care and let us know what he says when you go for your visit tomorrow. I'll be praying for you.

    Love and prayers
    Jbeeky said...
    I am worried for you, I am giving you the best thoughts right now and hope this resolves itself really quickly!
    bonnie said...
    I'm sorry. I hope it gets better.
    Peggy said...
    Hang in there Rosie. Sending up good thoughts and prayers.
    Missybw said...
    You are in my thoughts. No need to be brave for bravery's sake. Just take what the Drs say and then see if you need more opinions. I cannot imagine life without sight, but my Grandmother who was the most beautiful seamstress spent the last 15 years of her life with that. She still sewed for years after she lost her sight... she found ways to work around. I know it was sad for her. For you it would be too, but there are ways to work around it. Just take care of you.
    Gypsy said...
    We will send our prayers to all the spirits listening.

    Your writing is something that comes from inside you and that will not change.
    threecollie said...
    Worrying about you up here in the north!
    Omnibus Driver said...
    If Beethoven could compose music while completely deaf, you will be able to write, even if your eyes don't work. What's important is the mind's eye, as you well know.

    Hugs and prayers to you, my friend.
    Cappy said...
    I am truly sorry to hear about this. Is there anything the doctors can do about it?
    MK Stover said...
    Sending positive energy your way.
    Tara said...
    Oh noes. I'm sending you eyeball love and good energy...
    Galadriel said...
    I've always been so scared of losing my vision; to me, the world is primarily visual. Every other sense is a far, far second.

    I hope all is well with you. Vision scares would shake me down to my boots and back up to the crown of my head.

Post a Comment